So I was officially "passed over" for the position of ORientation Coordinator at HDS.... which means that this is the SECOND time I have been rejected for a position of that title and responsibility, once at HDS and once at USC. Thing is, this time around I really thought I would get the job... I felt really qualified, and even more than that I was intensely passionate about it. I really, really really wanted to work for orientation and create an awesomely spectacular experience for incoming students next year. Really. Because I knew what it means to work for Orientation, I knew through Tim how much it takes out of you and how much the pay really doesn't cover the amount of work and stress that you put into it. I knew that it would keep me up late and night and stress me out to no end and that it wouldn't exactly be a break like summer is supposed to be. But I wanted it anyways. And when I heard the words "We have decided to go with two other individuals rather than you" i was crushed. It was really hard not to cry over the phone when I heard that, especially since the conversation continued with, "I will call you later and let you know who we went with" and "I hope that you will be available to volunteer your time for the two individuals we chose for orientation" directly after. I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I didn't want her to feel bad for what was probably a well-informed decision. But I did learn something about myself through this. I have learned that this past year, while perhaps not always seeming like it, has been a time of spiritual growth for me. If this had happened to me last year I probably would have called Todd or my mom and cried over the phone; instead, this time I prayed. I really didn't even have to think about it either. I just laid down and talked to God and cried and let myself be sad. Of course I still am sad about it; I don't think anyone can get over something they really wanted that quickly, but I really feel good about the way I reacted. When I finally did get a chance to talk to other people about it, mostly Tim and Luke, I started feeling better about it. The people that were chosen only have a year left at HDS, and I have two. So while they cannot apply again, I have the opportunity to try for this job next summer. That doesn't really get rid of the hurt, but it helps. And I probably will help orientation, because I care about it that much. I truly do feel like God is in this, whether to teach me to find fulfillment elsewhere or to help me to understand my call better. Rejection is funny like that; I have always learned more from experiences like this than any time when I did get what I wanted.

Does anyone out there long for the internet when they are away from it for a while? I found it to be something I really missed when I traveled for a couple of days and didnt have immediate access to my email, google, LJ or facebook. I found this to be a rather strange experience. Dax and I leave on Wednesday morning at the butt crack for California. Jeni, his sister is gettting married, on Saturday (which is my birthday). So, we will have 5 days there. I just extended Dax's ticket home one more day so that he could go to the San Diego Chargers game on Sunday with Rob, and I will pick him up the next day. I am looking forward to this trip. I finally ironed out the dog sitters and have my outfit for the wedding... but just need to get shoes. I think I am going to go to DSW tonight to grab something smashing. Or, I may just lay down the big bucks from Ann Taylor and get the completely matching shoes that go with the dress for sure. I don't think it is worth it though. I will check out DSW tonight. I love my dress that I got... It is really cute.. and fashionable for a California outside wedding. YAY!!!

I just stared at my ceiling for an hour. I'm going to be so tired tomorrow/today morning. I don't even know if that sentence made sense. I'm going to go watch Conan (don't you just love Tivo) and try to sleep again. I will poke myself in the sternum, irritated.