So I was officially "passed over" for the position of ORientation Coordinator at HDS.... which means that this is the SECOND time I have been rejected for a position of that title and responsibility, once at HDS and once at USC. Thing is, this time around I really thought I would get the job... I felt really qualified, and even more than that I was intensely passionate about it. I really, really really wanted to work for orientation and create an awesomely spectacular experience for incoming students next year. Really. Because I knew what it means to work for Orientation, I knew through Tim how much it takes out of you and how much the pay really doesn't cover the amount of work and stress that you put into it. I knew that it would keep me up late and night and stress me out to no end and that it wouldn't exactly be a break like summer is supposed to be. But I wanted it anyways. And when I heard the words "We have decided to go with two other individuals rather than you" i was crushed. It was really hard not to cry over the phone when I heard that, especially since the conversation continued with, "I will call you later and let you know who we went with" and "I hope that you will be available to volunteer your time for the two individuals we chose for orientation" directly after. I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I didn't want her to feel bad for what was probably a well-informed decision. But I did learn something about myself through this. I have learned that this past year, while perhaps not always seeming like it, has been a time of spiritual growth for me. If this had happened to me last year I probably would have called Todd or my mom and cried over the phone; instead, this time I prayed. I really didn't even have to think about it either. I just laid down and talked to God and cried and let myself be sad. Of course I still am sad about it; I don't think anyone can get over something they really wanted that quickly, but I really feel good about the way I reacted. When I finally did get a chance to talk to other people about it, mostly Tim and Luke, I started feeling better about it. The people that were chosen only have a year left at HDS, and I have two. So while they cannot apply again, I have the opportunity to try for this job next summer. That doesn't really get rid of the hurt, but it helps. And I probably will help orientation, because I care about it that much. I truly do feel like God is in this, whether to teach me to find fulfillment elsewhere or to help me to understand my call better. Rejection is funny like that; I have always learned more from experiences like this than any time when I did get what I wanted.